No I Won't! Back! Down!

That's from Eminem featuring P!nk. She is my favorite. I started to do yoga today but the planks and down dogs and such were first, and I'm just too heavy to do those. My wrists and elbows hurt because it's too much weight to support. So I said f that, I'll just go outside, but I'm doing 3 small loops and that's IT. So that's what I did. It was about 1.3 miles and with warm up and cool down took about 20 minutes.
I'm thinking about counting calories again, to lose weight. 1800 calories a day should let me lose 1 - 2 lbs per week, if I keep exercising. That is plenty of calories if I make good choices. All I can do is try, and keep saying I won't back down!
Yesterday my favorite pants got a hole in the inner thigh and I chafed a bit. Then I came home and proceeded to have a complete and total meltdown. I told Marianne I needed to go get new pants and she said she already had some for me. They were too big for her. I didn't try them on because I was so upset about my favorite pants having a hole. I just cried and went back to bed, because here's the thing - those pants are made out of something that holds my shirt down, and keeps it from bunching up around my waist. In other words, it covers my ass and my belly. This is something that is important to me. It makes me feel OK about going outside where people can see me. I knew those pants were wearing out - I have patched the inner thighs once already - and I've been looking for months for similar pants. I haven't been able to find any sticky ones like that pair. Just slippery ones that let the shirt slip right up to my waist. I'm pear shaped, you see, and no matter how big my running shirts are, they do not fit loosely around my lower half. So I was going to have to go running outside where people could see me, with my shirt bunched up around my waist, and my ass and belly just hanging out there. So I really really really didn't want to go, and I put it off as long as I could. Finally I went upstairs to change, and guess what! The pants Marianne gave me are sticky!!! My mood has improved considerably since then. I guess the whole thing might sound silly, but for me, exercise is hard enough already. If I'm going to allow myself to be seen, then I have to feel ok about how I look. So if I need sticky pants, then I need sticky pants. And Nike, the goddess of swiftness, has provided them for me through my sister. Woot!
Weekly stats:
7.3 miles
3x pilates core conditioning