Monday, July 17, 2017

It got done

I'm not scared and I'm not lonely
Not saving all my money or my breath
Not looking for an answer
Or asking anyone to second guess
- indigo girls

Well dammit. I left for the gym without my inhaler and I didn't want to turn around because I was afraid I wouldn't leave again. And I slept like hell last night so I didn't get up this morning. Nevertheless, I persevered. I got two miles in on the treadmill and again I could only go a quarter mile without walking. My heart rate was only 115 the first time I walked and yesterday I maintained 150 to 160 for the whole mile. I don't know why I have to keep justifying myself. I think I'm afraid I'm just making excuses and being lazy, despite all evidence to the contrary. Anyway it got done and now I sit on the couch of righteousness watching the bachelorette. Tomorrow I get to go to Charleston, SC, which has been on my bucket list for a long time. I built in some extra time Thursday morning hoping I will have an opportunity to take a run around the city ❤️

Sunday, July 16, 2017

A beautiful day

Spring is almost over and the summers comin
The days are gettin long
Waited all winter for the time to be right just to take you along
Baby get ready
- nitty gritty dirt band, fishin in the dark

I ran a 12 min mile at 2% incline at the gym today, which doesn't sound like a big deal but given I haven't even been able to run a mile without walking in awhile, it's pretty awesome. And I felt like I could keep going except that I had to get to yoga. And that was a particularly difficult and business-like class I didn't car for. Thank you inhaler, it all got done and now I'm lounging by the gym pool breaking in my new bathing suit. I downloaded this goofy band after my brother talked about fishing in the dark over the 4th. This song just makes me grin.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Fighting on

You tattered me, you tethered me to you
But when the light grow dark
You were forever gone
But I remember you
You were full and sweet as honeydew
- Decemberists

Yesterday I had drinks with an old friend who knows me very well. I was lamenting g my asthma problem and how it doesn't make sense and isn't fair and how I'm supposed to use my rescue inhaler before running even though I'm on two other medications. He asked, simply, so are you going to fight it? And it's such a ridiculous question, but that has been, in fact, what I've been doing. Going on my piss poor runs, heaving and sweating, pissing and moaning. In fact he's the third person I've had this conversation with, but he addressed it in such a different matter-of-fact way that it really smacked me. Last Sunday I actually did try my inhaler before a treadmill run, and it was a decent run. I did 3.5 miles, in part because of the stroke of luck of having a dateline episode on the tv that I hadn't seen. But it was the best run I've had in a long time. And the week prior I did a good treadmill run in my hotel. So I guess I will accept this burden for what it is. After all, what's the point in fighting?

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Good news bad news

Good news I just hit the hotel gym. Bad news I only did a mile. Bad news I left my room key in there and couldn't get back in. Good news I'm going to dinner.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Fear

Today I did in fact face my laziness and get up for a sweaty run before work. It was 87 degrees when I set out and 89 by the time I got home. I listened to This American Life about a guy who made a list of all his fears. So as I ran I thought about my fears, and as I took walk breaks I wrote them down. And here they are in the order they came to me.

Rejection
Vulnerability
Gaining weight
Scorpions
Violent dogs
That I will grow old alone
That I will never find love
A home intruder at night
Rape
That my kids will come to harm
That they will make bad choices
That they will be emotionally hurt by thoughtless lovers
That J will fall to addiction
That his gf will get pregnant
That I will lose my parents
That my sister will die and/or kill someone
That my brother will die
Falling
Failure

Monday, June 19, 2017

Done

So this morning for the first time in six Mondays I failed to get up and run before work. It was after 9 when I got home from an exhausting weekend of drinking and napping and even though I was asleep by 10:30 I was just so tired this morning. So I went to the gym after work and ran a mile and then did yoga. So I did earn the couch of righteousness from which I am watching g the Bachelorette and wishing someone would bring me ice cream.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Bloggity

This was not a bad week. It was all on the elliptical, however. I just am not running right now, my body doesn't like it. I've been trying to walk quite a bit, but my workouts have been at the gym on the elliptical. I've also started incorporating my abs work again and I plan to also start lifting, but just upper body at first. I like the gym, and this Spring's allergy season has been kicking my ass so severely that it makes it hard to exercise outside, plus as annoying as it will sound to my AZ peeps, it has been hot as a motherfucker here, so if I want to go outside I have to do it really early which, along with my fab sister, just isn't my strong suit. I get up early, but the last thing I care to do is get going right away running. 

Anyway, I'll try to get to the blog more often too. I'm just full of failures! I've also gained some weight that I'm none too pleased with! 


Saturday, June 17, 2017

Down by the lake

This much I can say
I would've waited til the oceans fell away and all the sunken cities would reveal themselves to you
But you won't, will you?
Because you never do
- The Decemberists, Lake Song

Such a beautiful song, and funny. They curse the neighbors ill-intended children from the lawn. And big words like sybiline and prevaricate. I went for a run by the lake this morning a run/walk shall I say. It was kinda warm, but not close to what it is at home this weekend. So four runs this week. I only got up before work twice. I fully intended to try 5:30 am yoga but I realized it is not within my skillset.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

We are all born goddesses

So it hasn't been a great couple weeks for exercise. Last week I went to Texas for 4 days and while I got a run in before the airport Monday, I didn't get up before work any other day. The two hour time difference is rough in the morning. I did get out for a brisk four mile walk after margaritas on Weds so yeah I'm counting that. I made no more attempt until today when I intended to do a quick run before yoga. But I forgot that the class starts at 2:45 instead of 3 so I was 15 minutes late and the door was locked. So I decided to wait for the 4pm class which is "restorative" and do 3 miles. I struggled through 2 on treadmill and one on track. The restorative class was really just stretching so I was able to spend a lot of time meditating and repeating my mantra - I honor the divinity that lives in me". It was refreshing and I realized this kind of yoga can also be good. I wish there was a middle ground at my gym. So since running is still so godawful I decided I will try yoga in the mornings instead but the only class is at 530 am. So we shall see how that goes. I know all of this is incredibly interesting but there you go.

Monday, May 22, 2017

High

The world is a curse, it'll kill if you let it
I know they got pills that can help you forget it
- K.flay

Good song here. Did three this morning.