I'm not in the big girl club anymore

Or at the very least, I can no longer just assume membership. Yesterday I was meeting with a woman I know very casually, I don't know her well, and she is a very big girl, and she was telling me that she had asked her boss for some flexibility in her schedule so that she could go to some physical trainer appointments at her gym, and so we were talking about that, and I said something along the lines of "oh, yeah, I know what you mean", and she got this look on her face.... a look I recognized. It was the look that said "sure... sure you know what I mean. you spend your life THINKING you are fat, I spend my life KNOWING I am fat and being hated on every day for it". I used to give that look to people when they would say similar things to me. I still find it to be one of the most annoying things ever to have to listen to what I consider to be pretty skinny people talk about how fat they are and how they just really need to stop with the cookies. It bugs the shit out of me. And now I am one of them, at least sometimes. Because this girl, she didn't know me before, so my comment to her would not have made sense in the same context in which I meant it. She has only known me looking like I do now, so to her, I must sound like one of those people.

I've also had some minor conflicts with people that I am close to in my life that I believe stem from this same issue.... in that when I am speaking, I am still speaking as the very large woman that I was, and I assume people are going to take what I say in that context, and I don't realize that people obviously can't read my mind and know exactly where I am coming from, they only know what they see, which is a person who is clearly doing very well with weight and fitness, and who continues to talk as if she is not. It really is annoying, I can understand that. So, I'm glad for this insight, so that I can try and be more sensitive to others. I don't really want to be one of those people.

Anyways, I did three miles on the elliptical this morning and my weight is still going down, I am doing quite well in that department right now, even though I had to get some fluid removed from my lap band on Monday because I had a reflux flare up that was so bad that it inflamed my lungs and every other damn thing. The doc who did the unfill said that she has another patient who does triathlons who says the same thing, that every time his training reaches a certain point he starts having issues with the band and has to have fluid removed, so apparently this is something that happens, although nobody seems to know exactly why. I just chalk it up to basic inflammation, which makes sense when you are pushing your body hard.