Epiphany

I did my treadmill walk on Thursday, which was so not bad that I started thinking that maybe I would add this into my regular routine, even after the marathon, doing one workout a week on the treadmill. Then I started wondering why I, an avowed hater of treadmills, would even consider such a thing. And I thought, well the workout is a bit more consistent on the treadmill...the belt is going and you have to keep up with it once you have set it, so it makes for a bit more of a consistent cardio for me. And then I realized that this is why at the beginning I was so resistant to the treadmill. On the bike, I decide all. I decide exactly when to slow down, exactly when to speed up and I always based it on nothing more than what my body was telling me, I never did pre-programmed work outs. So, I realized that this was actually very much a crucial step in my relationship with exercise as a whole. You spend so much of your life being told what to do and that you aren't doing it right or fast enough or good enough, and for me, it was just of the utmost importance that any exercise that was done was on MY OWN terms, with no person and no machine telling me anything about what I should or should not be doing.

But now, see, now that exercise is such a regular part of my existence I have gotten a bit more confidence that just because there is a belt under me regulating how fast I walk, it doesn't mean the machine is telling me what to do. I know that I am in control and doing what I want to do and I don't have so much insecurity about the process in general or how it works for me specifically, because I have spent enough time listening to my own voice above all others I can think more about what is going to work for me without these sorts of psychological hang ups. Not to say there aren't still plenty of psychological hang ups to go around. When Sandy and I were working out I was marveling at how she chose the treadmill right next to the window and how I would have NEVER chosen that treadmill for that specific reason. But when I mentioned it to her, she just said something about the fan placement and she didn't want to be right under it, so that is why she chose that treadmill. She didn't even think about the window! It's so funny, the hang ups that I have. But whatever.

Anyhoodle, I did an hour of cardio on the bike today and I have my route mapped out for tomorrow's 3.5 mile walk.