Bring It To The Front

I've got a cute face
Chubby waist
Thick legs in shape
Rump shaking both ways
Make you do a double take
Plan rocker show stopper
Flo fropper head knocker
Beat staller tail dropper
Do ma thing motherfuckers

                 -Missy Elliot


I guess I have a lot to say today. So I went to the gym and ran four miles (which was probably too much.... afterwards I had to come home, eat a smash burger and sleep for two or three hours), which was all fine and well. Gross old guy who hit on me a few months ago was there, so I had to keep an eye on him, but that only marred the last mile. 

And for the second time, I wore this stupid bikini in the hot tub and it was no big deal. There is a certain genre of fat girl empowered Facebook and blog posts that involves them wearing bikinis and not giving a shit (and yes, we have established I'm not a fat girl, just go with me here). I've always sort of hated this trend, not because I am judging their choices, I couldn't possibly give a damn what anyone wears, but the idea of the wearing of a bikini symbolizing body positivity, confidence, or empowerment just bugs me. And in personal terms, I wasn't about to wear one ever. 

But I have this problem. It's mainly a waist/boobs ratio problem, and in the main it's a perfectly good problem to have, except when it comes to swimwear, which is insistent upon building in a bra to any given swimsuit. This leads to every single swimsuit that ever fits my boobs is too big everywhere else. I have, for the most part, resolved this issue by wearing a regular swimsuit bottom, my own older or otherwise unacceptable but still useful bra, and a shape wear type camisole, which is mostly indistinguishable from a regular tankini, except that it actually fits, keeps the ladies where they belong, and I'm comfortable wandering around any given pool or beach area in such a get up. This works perfectly well in the usual neighborhood pools, hotel pools, or beaches. The shape wear isn't swimwear, though, so it doesn't hold up the same, it isn't designed to withstand chlorine the way a real swimsuit is. In normal circumstances, it lasts long enough, and since it's pretty inexpensive, it doesn't matter that much. 

But then there is the gym. The gym pool and particularly the gym hot tub (yes, I LOVE the gym hot tub, the big pool of cooties that it undoubtedly is, I still use it) is so highly chlorinated I'm surprised it doesn't eat my skin off. So anyhoodle, when I wear the shape wear thing in the gym pool or hot tub, it wears out as soon as I only wear it once or twice, so it just doesn't work that well. 

So a few weeks ago I came across a bikini top at Old Navy (oh Old Navy, how you warm my soul) which actually fit and I had this swimsuit bottom from Target that would go with it. But I didn't actually wear it. 

As usual, my uncomfortable feelings about any given thing just have to be given enough time to be outweighed by my annoyance at being inconvenienced by it. This happened with locker rooms, where at first I would never get undressed in front of other people. That lasted until I got sick of being inconvenienced by it and irritated at myself, it's a goddamn locker room, people get undressed there. So, my insecurity eventually got overruled by the necessity of a quicker and more convenient change. Same with running during work hours. I used to not want to do it, because you get all sweaty and disheveled and then you have to still work the rest of the day like that. But quickly enough, it became more important to me to get the run in than what any of my co-workers or employees may have thought about my sweaty and disheveled appearance. I had running to do, who gives a shit if that means I'm not as put together the rest of the day? 

Same with the stupid bikini. I want to soak in the damn hot tub, and this has become more important than what anyone might think about my chubby self wandering around exposed. Plus, it makes it easier to change without that extra layer. 

Anyway, so today I noted a couple of things whilst wearing the bikini. To whit:

1. Men routinely wander around that pool area in all manner of undress. Fat, hair, wrinkles and rolls displayed for the world and they do this seemingly without a care in the world. It's like they are allowed to just have bodies and not concern themselves with the particulars. But I'm supposed to somehow always present a perfect abdomen? Or at least one that is covered up? The hell with that, I say!

2. I believe I got hit on by a woman. This guy and this lady were talking on the bench where I had put my towel and I tried to just wait it out, but I was really hot and wanted to get out, so I finally interrupted them and said "can you throw me that towel right behind you?" and the lady goes "Sure I will, I'll even wrap it around you!" Weird, right? Anyway, it is admittedly a nice change of pace from being hit on by the gross old man.