Secrets

"It's something like a shared secret, this love they have, as if nobody else was in on some breathtaking elaborate joke. Which is the best way I can describe true love. A secret joke two people share, a knowledge that somewhere in this very very hard world there can be true comfort, warmth, belonging, friendship — a gentle sharing of burdens, secrets and sweat — that no one else could imagine except the person under the covers with you listening to the stereo."

- Mikel Jollett, The Airborne Toxic Event

I read this quote last night and kept coming back to it during my run this morning (which was sweaty and slow and frequently interrupted by dog potty breaks). Beautiful and eloquent. I think this describes love as I've best experienced it.

Something you lost

You dare never say, the greatest secret you keep

Is that you might be alone, that you might have to run,

That the rest of your life will be a series of nights

That you spend in your mind

Staring backwards through time

At something you lost.

 - Airborne Toxic Event 

The good thing about running is that it prevents tears. Or at least stops them from flowing. Have you tried it?  It is impossible to cry and run. Like sneezing with your eyes open. I ran tonight for the first time in weeks. A slow plodding and even somewhat relaxing run if that's possible. Exhaling out the sad. Breathing in the freshness of possibility. 

The mountain was angry today my friends

Lord have mercy on my rough and rowdy ways.
- The Head and the Heart

So today I turned my ankle pretty hard running down the mountain. Miraculously I didn't fall, but it was excruciatingly painful and I had to sit down and wait fir the pain to subside before I hobbled my way down the mountain entertaining fantasies of someone carrying me down. So I had a long time to contemplate why I continue to have this problem. Admittedly the mountain is steep in places and there are tons of loose rocks and boulders along the trail so it is somewhat hazardous anyway. But I think there's an issue with my gait, as evidenced in this photo. This is several years ago during a sprint triathlon with my gym. See how my toes turn in? And the foot I'm landing on is clearly sideways and this is the one I always turn. I think it stems from being pigeon-toes as a child, which was likely the result of all of the beatings I took as a child. I think that's what happens when you spend so much time in fetal position. I'm not saying it's my parents' fault, but the facts do speak for themselves. Anyway, I think it might be time for me to give up running the trail as I'm convinced there is a serious injury in my future. I haven't admitted this to anyone but a couple months ago I turned this ankle just running down the street. So.

2 improbable days of running

Mom said son I know it's in your blood but boy, please don't run.
- The Head and the Heart

This is a lovely tunnel I ran through this morning on my 3 mile route. I actually went running after the gluttony of the easter picnic - 2 miles in 22 min. And then I went at halftime on Monday, again only two. And last night I did a yoga class that kicked my arse. I was contemplating on my run this morning that my piriformass issue has gotten much better, I think from the combination of running less, yoga and taking it easy.

Easter

This seems a bit of a foreboding omen for Easter. Yet this is what I came across in my run this morning. A perfectly blue egg cracked and leaking its life essence, providing food for ants. The circle of life I suppose. It was beautiful out today if a little warm and very pollen-y. My run was difficult, but this year has been difficult. I did 3 on Thurs and felt good though. And yoga Monday. Happy Easter all.

That's a fine looking high horse

So tonight after my meetings I went for a jog on the dreadmill for 2 miles in order to earn my dinner. I'm not too fancy for a 2 mile run, or for truffle Mac and cheese at dinner. Cause goddammit I earned it. And I heard a story from one of my fav work peeps who grew up with a coveted older brother. And when she went to college at the same place as he, he asked her to do his laundry, which she did without complaint because that's how she was raised. She only got upset when she asked him for the quarters to do his laundry and he refused, so she paid for the washing privileges as well. And he was at school for an entire year before her and somehow managed to have clean (or dirty) clothes to wear. And the dude at dinner with us didn't understand why this story made me so angry. It was her choice to do his laundry after all. So here's to all the men in the world on their high horses who deserve their male privilege and will never quite understand the God-given sacrifice and privilege of being a woman.

DC

It's gonna be hot as hell here soon we're gonna need some relief
Im sick of leaving things half done, leaving things half said
Oh I am I am trying the best that I can will you keep moving on like you do?
- Vance Joy

This week finds me in Washington DC. In the middle of a lot of history and a lot of politics - work and nation. I was inspired to go run around the John F Kennedy island. I love exploring remote places. There were a few bricks left from this 1800s mansion and I picked one up and ran with it for awhile, coveting this image of it in my rock garden. But I let it go. It was 3.5 miles of good exploration, inspiration and exercise though.

Find a thing that you love
Find a thing you understand

Unicycle convention

That happened at the mountain today. Seriously. So that was enough inspiration to post. I wish I had seen them in the trail. My exercise has been largely uninspired so far this year. I've been doing some yoga and some running and some hiking, but none very frequently.

And fuck what they're sayin

Gone are the days when the wind would brush my face
Gone are the days when you were the wind
And gone are the days when your heavy heart was worn on my sleeve
- The Head and the Heart, Gone

I went to yoga tonight after telling my blista sista how good it is for strength training only to have the first yoga teacher I didn't really like. I couldn't follow her and as a result didn't get a very good workout although I will say that my legs are sore. This girl after was laughing and saying it was almost sensual. Which was funny because the yoga mat I've been using has my ex bf's name on it and I was pondering earlier that I haven't felt the need to throw it out, which must mean I've reached some sort of peace with things. But lo and behold I spent the hour making love to his mat. It's not a very efficient workout but the ancillary benefit is learning to slow down. And really it makes exercise like relaxation, which is similar to running on the good days.

There were times you should have stopped
As you sailed into the fog
Like a dog, I smelled your fear
Lord knows you should have been here
But you were gone

Why should I care?

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where your darkness falls
- John Mayer, Age of Worry

This is my new favorite song. I was correct on my theory that yoga would ease my problems. I discovered that the perfect workout is yoga and then running home from the gym. Also running to the gym, but that gets to be a pretty long workout. I ran 3.5 on Saturday, the whole way at 11:40 pace, which is better than I've done in awhile. And my ass didn't hurt before or after. Did same this evening but at 11:58 pace, still not bad although now my hip aches. So yoga tomorrow. I read today that yoga improves memory function. Bonus.

I stared up at the sun
Thought of all the people, places and things that I've loved
I stared up just to see
- One Republic, If I Lose Myself

I welcomed the new year largely from the couch today. I did get out for a freezing cold two miles around sunset once the outcome of the Oregon/Florida State game seemed clear. I spent some time thinking on the year. No earth shattering observations or revelations. Just a desire to be better. To let others be who they are.