Blue (Tights) Christmas

"Fuck the past, motherfucker, she's the shit right now"

            -Eminem (with pronoun liberties)

So I found something in Cosmo that said wearing black shoes with navy tights is perfectly fine and people who think otherwise are just old and stuck in a bygone fashion era. This I promptly sent to my bitchy sisters, one of whom promptly upbraided me for getting upset about something she obviously didn't consider important. The implications of this particular sister having the unmitigated gall to tell ME that I am overreacting aside, I did question my own self... I mean really, who gives a shit? I've spent most of my adult life ignoring anything my family has to say on nearly every subject under the sun (and living quite well and successfully in spite, or perhaps because, of it) so why let this bother me?

The answer, of course, has nothing to do with them. It's just that for most of my adult life I was rather shut out of the particular world of women and style and fashion and such. For those of you not aware, big girls have fewer choices and the choices we have are more expensive. The sales that are regularly seen at places like Target and Old Navy frequently don't apply to their limited plus size lines. And many plus sized stores and fashion lines seem to believe that all big girls wish to dress as flamboyant drag queens or in burlap sacks. 

So for much of my adult life I was too financially strapped (and we have always been conservative with our money, my husband and I, one of the reasons we are still married) so clothing wasn't something I was willing to go into hock for. I also don't really ENJOY shopping per se, although much of that may have been due to the lack of choices I always found. So I was always wearing what fit, what I could afford, and what I could live with. This didn't leave any room for developing any sense of my own "style". 

So.... I lost some weight. And I got a tummy tuck. And suddenly whole vistas of discount stores, whole lines of clothing, opened up. I could literally shop wherever I wanted!! And find things that fit! And in my size! Outlet stores, department stores, Ross, TJ Maxx!! Victoria's Secret, The Gap, The Loft!!

All of which suddenly begged the question.... What exactly do I like? Do I like skirts? Turns out yes, but only shorter lengths mostly. What about dresses? Sometimes! Slacks, sweaters, t shirts, all these choices!!

So it turns out that after much trying, shopping and quite a bit of fun, I have developed and discovered my own sense of style. It is mostly conservative but with touches of some spunky flair that belong to only me. And wearing black loafers with blue tights? A perfect example of what I would do. 

But it's been hard won, and there should be no illusion about that. I spent a LOT of time trying to decide if I looked stupid. A lot of time building the confidence it takes to do the very little things that make my style my own. 

So when people dump on me, or tell me I'm not following some rule that I didn't know existed, what I'm hearing is "you look stupid". And it shakes that hard won confidence. And coming from people who are supposed to love you and who should by all rights know better.... Yeah. The things I get upset about.... So silly.