Well It's A Donkey At Any Rate

These are my 2016 things. I don't call them resolutions, resolutions are for schmucks. I agreed to start in with this cursed and boring blog again because it apparently motivates my sister, horrified my father and it sometimes amuses me. So. 

I do reserve the right to talk about all this shit, not just the boring running. Not that it's all not boring as hell, I'm just saying you might also get adventures in bread making and my deep and highly intellectual thoughts on Virginia Woolf.  Our first dance class is on Monday, we are doing the "Ballroom Sampler", so there's that to look forward to as well. 

I did run today, a good four miles, but it is January 2nd, so I first had to fight in a cage match to get a treadmill TO WHIT, I bring you my "Tips for Gym Newbies" also known as "stop pissing me off and go away until next year you stupid motherfuckers". 

1. Wear deodorant, for the love of God. The gym is not a deodorant free zone (AND QUIT LIFTING YOUR ARM YOU MOTHERFUCKER ON THE TREADMILL TO MY LEFT). 

2. Shut up. And by shut up I mean, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I don't care about your buddy system theory that will maybe get both your sorry asses to the gym more often this year, you pony-tailed pieces of shit on the treadmills to my right. This is not the place for your goddamn quilting bee, or a discussion of your latest detox plan. You distract others who are doing more than walking on the goddamn treadmill, and if I can hear you over the blasting of my obscene music, then you are talking too loud. SHUT UP. 

3.  Don't ask me how to use the equipment. That is what all these staff people who work here are for, except when they are too busy signing up more people like you, who we all put up with until you go away in a few weeks, knowing, as we do, that you subsidize our cheap memberships the rest of the year. Don't expect me to be nice to you for it, though. 

4. You might hear some feel good stuff around this time of year about how the regulars really aren't paying attention to you, and you should just feel confident and get to the gym, and don't worry that the regulars are being annoyed by your lack of deodorant and basic gym etiquette. This isn't true, and you shouldn't believe it for one second. You annoy the fuck out of everyone. 

5.  That being said, if you keep at it, next year you can be the one who is annoyed, rather than the one doing the annoying. Good luck.