Remember when you were only a child

So watch your time
Time descends
Let it spill quietly
From your hands
Oh, and the time is at hand
When all things under the sky
Go free of time
Time is passing you by
- Alexi Murdoch, Blue Mind

Last night I had the most vivid dream of my high school boyfriend. And he was such a jerk and so disrespectful but I knew that love and passion and comfort were there so I overlooked a lot of things. But the rational part of my mind knew that no matter how much love is there, it just wasn't working and would never work and I needed to just walk away. And that's what I did in my dream and I actually felt a sense of relief. I don't know where this dream came from but it was so very vivid. And on my run this morning this song came on and I thought about when I was a child and how I didn't feel very loved growing up (that's not a slight against anyone, it was just very chaotic in my house and mostly I was invisible). And maybe that's why I'm constantly in search of love. I thought about the times when I felt most loved, and those were the times my dad came to my softball or basketball games. He was usually the only person there from my family, and on the drive home he would analyze my game and tell me what I needed to work on, and tell me what I did well. He was paying attention and trying to help me get better. Growing up with softball, he was often the coach. I also remember a time when I was in 6th or 7th grade, my mom gave me a spontaneous kiss on the cheek. I was taken aback and asked her why she did that, and she said because I love you. Well, I spent that whole afternoon and evening trying to work up the nerve to kiss her back. But I never did. I don't know why my mind took me those places today. It was just doing its work I suppose.