I'm just sayin. This thing is going to be masterfully ugly. Tonight I had been preparing myself for a nice long run mentally. But I Just. Couldn't. Get. Going. I procrastinated about 30 minutes looking for my ipod, which my darling daughter had on last I saw it, before giving up and going without it. And I just started walking and talking to myself. Let's Go! Just Go! Start already! Just start! And so after about a half a mile, I started running. And about a half a mile later I started walking again. And I walked the rest of the 6 miles. I guess I won because I went, but I'm not sure that strategy works with marathon training. It is so hard to get my head around starting a 15 mile run. Thinking that in two hours, I'll still be running but I'll be in a lot more pain than I'm in now. And yeah, its gonna really suck. But have fun!
"Its not over tonight, just give me one more chance to make it right." - Maroon 5
You have as many chances as you need little girl! I'm never gonna give up on you. You have the courage to try this thing and that's so impressive! You live life with gusto, you experience it, you feel it. You push your body to the limit, you push your mind to the limit, you push your heart to the limit. How many people do you think have the courage to live that way? So you just take as many chances as you need. Life is full of chances - second chances, once in a lifetime chances, 10th chances, millionth chances. I will still love you and you do me proud every day.
Thought I'd let you all in on some of my self talk there.
I think the problem is that I've taken something that I have historically loved and turned it into pressure and work. So, as is my nature, I'm rebelling. Who do you think you're rebelling against? I asked. The man, came the answer. But. . . aren't you the man? Well, yah.
This is exactly what happened to me the last time I registered for a half marathon and didn't end up doing it. I found that I didn't really enjoy the exercise anymore when all I was focused on was timing and training and blah blah blah. I don't know what to do about it, I just know I've been there.
ReplyDeleteActually, now that I give it more thought, I asked myself the same question, what are you rebelling against? My answer was I was rebelling against the idea that I had to do this to satisfy some stupid commitment that I had supposedly made, or the idea that I have to do it to "prove" something. So, maybe the answer is to really try and get it into your head why you are doing this. Are you trying to prove something? Or are you just wanting to have that good feeling of accomplishment?
ReplyDeleteI want the feeling of accomplishment. I want to say I finished a marathon. That's all. And I've had this stupid goal in my head since I was in my 20's. So that's the reason for getting it done now, before I turn 40. I'm doing it. Its just going to be ugly. But then it will be over. And then if I want to do one for the hell of it maybe that will be different. But I highly doubt I will ever want to do another one.
ReplyDeleteI just want to be able to call myself a runner. And runners do half marathons and marathons.
ReplyDeleteRunners also do 5k's and 10k's! You certainly don't have to do a half marathon to call yourself a runner! In fact, just poop on the side of the road and you're in :)
ReplyDelete