Kill your heroes

Well I met an old man dying on a train
No more destination, no more pain
Well he said, one thing before I graduate
Never let your fear decide your fate
- AWOLNATION

A song rather apropos for today. I've been thinking on what I want to do with my future, see. I've had a dream of living overseas for awhile to learn another culture and see the sights and appreciate the history. I've wished I took that opportunity before I settled down and had kids. Who is to say I can't do it now? Certain dreams must die if one wishes to settle down and be married, and I had let this one go. But now I'm making plans. I even made an inquiry today about a job that manages international business. When my kids go, I'm leaving too. I'm gonna find a new adventure and live the fullness of experience that life has to offer. So this was my contemplation during yoga today after running two miles.  I got there first so attention whore didn't get the prime corner spot. So I hated him less today. Also I did an awesome headstand I've never been able to do before. So yay on me!!  Also, I didn't run in sanfran. So there.

A Suspiciously Easy Three

This was my answer when Chris asked me how my run was tonight... Suspiciously easy. Which made him laugh rather heartily, which if you know Chris, you know that doesn't happen so often (although he has gotten quite a bit looser and generous with laughs in recent years, what with my lectures on how you don't actually have a lifetime maximum of laughter). 

Anyhoodle, I don't actually have anything else to report. I ran outside. For three miles. It was cold. Especially on my face. 

I think you're headed for a breakdown, so be careful not to show it

How's it gonna go down?

Will you meet him on the main line

Or will you catch him on the rebound?

Will you marry for the money

Take a lover in the afternoon?

Feel your innocence slippin away

Don't believe it's coming back soon

           -Laura Brannigan

Sometimes I'll hear a song on the 80's station and it ends up on my playlist for years. 

My gym has two rows of ellipticals and then two rows of treadmills, all facing the weight area. My favorite treadmill space is the back row, but this leads to not having nearly as good a view of men doing pull-ups as the second row elliptical, where I spent a lot of time last year. It's a real quandary, especially given that this really hot guy that had disappeared for a while is back, I saw him yesterday. I ran an extra mile so as to continue my stalkerish ways. 

Whatever gets it done, amiright???

She belongs to the earth

She belongs to the earth. She's cool. She's like you, she just runs freely and does whatever she wants.
- K, waxing poetic about a stray cat she took in. And comparing said cat to me in the most touching way. And this is why I am enjoying life. I belong to the earth and run freely. Such a being cannot be tied down or restrained. I am sleeping tonight on the San Francisco Bay. I have not yet exercised on this trip, but since I have now blogged I intend to do my damndest to get up and run freely along the bay for a bit before my meetings.

Wasted time

If the phone rings
Tell him nothing
Or maybe one thing
That hell is coming

'Cause he wasted your time

- Awolnation - Drinking Lightning

Cool song. It spoke to me as I did 3.5 around the neighborhood today. A slow and gentle run with generous walk breaks because I'm tired and more so because I'm very paranoid about pushing too hard and irritating my bum. Sooooo excited for football today!!!  Best football day of the year!!!  Go Cards!  Go Broncos!!  How awesome would a Cards/Broncos super bowl be??? 

She's coming undone

Now it seems that the unraveling has started too soon
And now I'm sleeping in hallways and I'm drinking perfume
And I'm speaking to mirrors and I'm howling at moons
While the worse and the worse that it gets
- Dawes, When my time comes

I did the trail today, and without underwear issues either experienced or observed. It puts me at 16.5 for the week but I'm going to San Fran Monday for work so I will likely have a shortage. There was this cutest girl with a black dog that overtook me on the trail even though I had been running. She had this very fast walking stride. I passed her on the way down and then she passed me later and I tried to emulate her stride and admired her. Now I'm goi g to drink beer and watch my sister unravel.

London And France

"I'm going to run the trail" says he. "I'm not going, it will be icy!" says I!! "AND COLD" says I!!
"No, it'll be good" says he. So, I agreed to go.

It was miserable. And icy. And cold. But I've been on treadmills for a while now, so it was just too tempting. But I couldn't get into any kind of flow because rather than focus on my music, or the nature, I was focused on where I was putting my feet in an attempt to avoid falling. And I have reason to worry! Last year, I did this exact same damn thing, and mistook an icy patch for a simple wet patch, my feet flew up under me and I ended up with all 190 pounds of me landing right on my ass so hard that I actually rolled around on the ground for a minute or two, calculating in my head how long it would be before Chris decided something must be wrong and came looking for me (I was running "with" him that time too.... and he was way ahead of me, like he always is. Maybe the lesson is I shouldn't be running with him.)

ANYHOODLE, regular readers may recall that I have had misadventures on this trail before. Whether it is because that trail is prone to misadventures or because I am prone to run there often, I can't say, although I would suspect the former. The trail connects my neighborhood area with downtown Castle Rock (such as it is), so people use it for all kinds of purposes other than fitness, including actually getting from one place to another by foot or bike. (Incidentally, searching the term "underwear" on our blog turns up seven posts.... many of which [the ones written by me] are rather amusing, I highly recommend doing it.)

So, a miserable three was completed, the best to be said about it being that it is done. It's back to the treadmill for me tomorrow, alas.

A thousand proof
Don't change the truth
I got to but I can't
I can't drink you away
- Justin Timberlake

Words can't express how much I love the JT/Chris Stapleton rendition of this song from the CMAs. It always gets me going. Sadly today I forgot my inhaler before my run so it was a shitty two miles to the gym. I absolutely hate it when I do that. It just wastes my effort and good intentions. But anyway I walked into yoga 15 min early to a completely empty room except for a mat set up in the very back corner - my freaking spot. Bummer. So I went out to take off my shoes and relax for a few minutes and when I came back in this dude is getting a personal lesson from the teacher on doing a headstand. He was one of those total attention whores. So I spent the class hating him. Which is so contrary to the purpose of yoga - oneness and all that shit. Plus I was all paranoid that I stank because of my run and because I recycled these yoga pants. And I know I'm not the first person to ever fart in yoga but. Silent but violent indeed. Anyhow now I'm stinking in the couch of righteousness because I've already got my 12 miles for the week and I've planned a field trip for tomorrow afternoon to a mystery castle that I've wanted to go see. Peace. Love. Out.

You're All Still Here

Hey, you know I'll run away for a couple of years

Just to prove I've never been free

         - AWOL Nation

I LOVE this song, downloaded at the recommendation of my cooler than me sister. And that is my favorite line MY FAVORITE LINE!!

When I got dressed out at the gym today I realized I had neglected to pack appropriate running underwear. The ones I was wearing were not going to work, so I had to go commando, which got me thinking about underwear while working out. I mean, I'm willing to bet there are plenty of people who regularly eschew the undergarment whilst working out and really, why do I do it? It's just another piece of clothing to get sweaty. 

I therefore hereby commission a poll!! In the comments, YOUR THOUGHTS ON GYM UNDERPANTS. This is important work. 

Then, after I had started running on the treadmill, my wireless headphones were beeping, leading to headphone-low-battery-anxiety, which is the clinical term, so I had to go back to the damn locker room to grab my back up pair! To top all this off I was wearing these particular pants that have a tendency to fall down, exacerbating potential lack of underwear issues. 

Lesser mortals would have just thrown in the proverbial, and literal, towel and gone home BUT NOT THIS GIRL. 

Anyway, a semi-solid 3.5 in the books. 

Had it

I moved out from the sticks
Nobody believed in me
Had to climb my way up
Overcome all kinds of adversity

Oh, if you think I need approval from the faceless throng
That's where you're wrong

- Weezer, I've had it up to here

This might be my new favorite song. It was like the sun came out today. I've gotten up and showered and went to Starbucks to work the last two days and been very productive. After my run this afternoon I took Fat dog for a bike ride and marveled at how good I felt. I went grocery shopping and happily made dinner for J. It's funny when you're in a depression you can't really see it, but now that I'm feeling better I know I was really in the dumps. My gym has this upcoming hike to Havasupai in the Grand Canyon. They've done this several times and I've wanted to go but ebf wouldn't hear of it. I realized I have the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want, and I should never take that for granted. It's a beautiful thing. I don't have to negotiate finances or activities or family time or friends. I do what I want and it feels good. So I'm signing up for that hike and am so excited for it!! I invited the kids too but I'm going either way. I don't need anyone to complete me or my life. I'm good.