#memories

I am not done changing
Out on the run, changing
Sometimes I wonder if she'll be the one
When I am done changing
- John Mayer

Long workweek in Boston but I did get outside for a two mile run tonight.

Good morning

I lied to you. I lied to you.
I lied to your face in the summer
You had long hair then
I'm coming back from the dead
- Bleachers

I ran a 5k on this beautiful morning in 38:40 or around 12:20 min miles. According to the website though, it was 11:20 so I'm going with that. I did the mountain yesterday for the first time this fall and brought fat dog along so I could carry her. But not. She's just not up for the long hikes anymore and she needed many breaks. But also it was rather warm. On thurs I did 3.5 around the lake, 3 on Tues and 2 on Monday. I always do better when I'm busy and what with having decided to sell my house last Friday and selling it Thursday and buying a new house yesterday, I've been rather busy. So excited I'm finally going to see It with baby girl today.


- Sandy

When the heat gets hot

So I've been too anxious to get out on the lake route after work- so I did it this week. 3 miles at 5pm on Tues at 108 degrees. Yeah it was kinda miserable but wonderful at the same time. There's always a little breeze blowing around the lake. Yesterday I did 3.5 at 6p, walked the last 1.5, and went over two bridges and was rewarded with this view. And it was only 103 and in the shade.

Rocks

Lord knows I still ain't rich
And I wear the same old jeans
But the rocks that they keep throwing are the ones that build my dreams
- Life of Dillon

Two god awful miles on the treadmill tonight.

It counts goddamn you

Tonight after two margaritas I went for a 5 mile power walk around a lake under the Texas moon.

I don't recommend running

After Texas BBQ. Just something to keep in mind based on my experience tonight. It would be a blessing if farts actually worked as propulsion.

Every time you're feelin empty
You better thank your lucky stars
Cause if you ever felt one breaking
You'd never want a heart ❤️
- Miranda Lambert

Flowers

Flowers keep on flowerin
- Roger Clyne

Three more today and I was quite a bit more tires than the last two days but I picked some beautiful sunflowers and now I'm going fishing with my new rod and bait!

Lake song. Again.

Now we arise
To curse these these young suburban villains and their ill-begotten children from the lawn
- Decemberists, Lake Song

This line always makes me laugh and this is one of my most favorite songs, particularly apropos this weekend as I run around the lake. 3 yesterday and 3 today. Feeling stronger baby.

Come to me now
And on the station wagon window set the ghosts of your two footprints that they might
Haunt me when you're gone
And when the light grew dawn
You were forever gone

The drowned

Tell me now, tell me this
A forest's son, a river's daughter
Our ghosts will wander all of the water
- Decemberists

Gym again tonight at 8pm and 2.5 on tready. I'll take it.

Precious bones

If you call, then let me pass
You may render me a wreck when I come back
So calm your waves, and slow the churn
And you may have my precious bones on my return
- Decemberists, Annan Water

This is the only band I've listened to since Travelers' Rest several weeks ago (note the apostrophe). It's kind of an obsession. I so love his vocabulary. So tonight is the second night in a row I've actually gone to the gym. I'm feeling good about that. The treadmill isn't so bad when I've had a good suck on my inhaler. I can get my heart rate up to 160 and still get all the air I want, like gulping great mouthfuls of cold water. So 2.5 tonight at inclines.

To dad

I ran across this little guy on my run tonight. My second run this week. August has been tough and I never really got any momentum this summer. Bring on September. Please.

"She had no heart so hardened." - Decemberists



- Sandy

FOR THE RECORD

I did run on Monday before work, 2.5 mi. I did not manage the early rising again until today when I didn't have to get up until 7. So I did another 2.5. AND NOW I AM HEADED TO THE MOST AWESOME INAUGURAL TRAVELERS REST MUSIC FESTIVUS IN MONTANA!!!!! Woot woot!!! I may or may not exercise depending on my state of euphoria, drunkenness, hungoverness, or general sloth.

"You rise to me and I'll blow you down."
The Decemberists

It got done

I'm not scared and I'm not lonely
Not saving all my money or my breath
Not looking for an answer
Or asking anyone to second guess
- indigo girls

Well dammit. I left for the gym without my inhaler and I didn't want to turn around because I was afraid I wouldn't leave again. And I slept like hell last night so I didn't get up this morning. Nevertheless, I persevered. I got two miles in on the treadmill and again I could only go a quarter mile without walking. My heart rate was only 115 the first time I walked and yesterday I maintained 150 to 160 for the whole mile. I don't know why I have to keep justifying myself. I think I'm afraid I'm just making excuses and being lazy, despite all evidence to the contrary. Anyway it got done and now I sit on the couch of righteousness watching the bachelorette. Tomorrow I get to go to Charleston, SC, which has been on my bucket list for a long time. I built in some extra time Thursday morning hoping I will have an opportunity to take a run around the city ❤️

A beautiful day

Spring is almost over and the summers comin
The days are gettin long
Waited all winter for the time to be right just to take you along
Baby get ready
- nitty gritty dirt band, fishin in the dark

I ran a 12 min mile at 2% incline at the gym today, which doesn't sound like a big deal but given I haven't even been able to run a mile without walking in awhile, it's pretty awesome. And I felt like I could keep going except that I had to get to yoga. And that was a particularly difficult and business-like class I didn't car for. Thank you inhaler, it all got done and now I'm lounging by the gym pool breaking in my new bathing suit. I downloaded this goofy band after my brother talked about fishing in the dark over the 4th. This song just makes me grin.

Fighting on

You tattered me, you tethered me to you
But when the light grow dark
You were forever gone
But I remember you
You were full and sweet as honeydew
- Decemberists

Yesterday I had drinks with an old friend who knows me very well. I was lamenting g my asthma problem and how it doesn't make sense and isn't fair and how I'm supposed to use my rescue inhaler before running even though I'm on two other medications. He asked, simply, so are you going to fight it? And it's such a ridiculous question, but that has been, in fact, what I've been doing. Going on my piss poor runs, heaving and sweating, pissing and moaning. In fact he's the third person I've had this conversation with, but he addressed it in such a different matter-of-fact way that it really smacked me. Last Sunday I actually did try my inhaler before a treadmill run, and it was a decent run. I did 3.5 miles, in part because of the stroke of luck of having a dateline episode on the tv that I hadn't seen. But it was the best run I've had in a long time. And the week prior I did a good treadmill run in my hotel. So I guess I will accept this burden for what it is. After all, what's the point in fighting?

Good news bad news

Good news I just hit the hotel gym. Bad news I only did a mile. Bad news I left my room key in there and couldn't get back in. Good news I'm going to dinner.

Fear

Today I did in fact face my laziness and get up for a sweaty run before work. It was 87 degrees when I set out and 89 by the time I got home. I listened to This American Life about a guy who made a list of all his fears. So as I ran I thought about my fears, and as I took walk breaks I wrote them down. And here they are in the order they came to me.

Rejection
Vulnerability
Gaining weight
Scorpions
Violent dogs
That I will grow old alone
That I will never find love
A home intruder at night
Rape
That my kids will come to harm
That they will make bad choices
That they will be emotionally hurt by thoughtless lovers
That J will fall to addiction
That his gf will get pregnant
That I will lose my parents
That my sister will die and/or kill someone
That my brother will die
Falling
Failure

Done

So this morning for the first time in six Mondays I failed to get up and run before work. It was after 9 when I got home from an exhausting weekend of drinking and napping and even though I was asleep by 10:30 I was just so tired this morning. So I went to the gym after work and ran a mile and then did yoga. So I did earn the couch of righteousness from which I am watching g the Bachelorette and wishing someone would bring me ice cream.

Bloggity

This was not a bad week. It was all on the elliptical, however. I just am not running right now, my body doesn't like it. I've been trying to walk quite a bit, but my workouts have been at the gym on the elliptical. I've also started incorporating my abs work again and I plan to also start lifting, but just upper body at first. I like the gym, and this Spring's allergy season has been kicking my ass so severely that it makes it hard to exercise outside, plus as annoying as it will sound to my AZ peeps, it has been hot as a motherfucker here, so if I want to go outside I have to do it really early which, along with my fab sister, just isn't my strong suit. I get up early, but the last thing I care to do is get going right away running. 

Anyway, I'll try to get to the blog more often too. I'm just full of failures! I've also gained some weight that I'm none too pleased with! 

Down by the lake

This much I can say
I would've waited til the oceans fell away and all the sunken cities would reveal themselves to you
But you won't, will you?
Because you never do
- The Decemberists, Lake Song

Such a beautiful song, and funny. They curse the neighbors ill-intended children from the lawn. And big words like sybiline and prevaricate. I went for a run by the lake this morning a run/walk shall I say. It was kinda warm, but not close to what it is at home this weekend. So four runs this week. I only got up before work twice. I fully intended to try 5:30 am yoga but I realized it is not within my skillset.