Smile fades in the summer

Look to the past and remember a smile 

Maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile 

 - Blink 182 

So the running thing isn't going so well. I did 3.5 on Sunday and 3.5 today but they were rather sluggish miles around the neighborhood with lots of walking. Last week I was in CA most of the week and didn't get a run in. And Saturday I just slept most of the day away. I'm still looking forward to Bisbee though. I'm excited to see the town and participate in this cool and unique event, the Bisbee 1000. I'm forcing myself to remember I signed up for the fun and not to compete or be critical of my performance. This election has me a little depressed. It makes me profoundly sad to see all the hateful vitriol and defense of a mysogynist. And blaming a woman for the actions of her husband. And all the talk of assault. I remember the first time I was "assaulted". Not even sure why I feel the need to put that in quotes. I was in second grade I think, on the school bus. This group of boys was grabbing the crotches of some girls who passed by. They were on both sides of the aisle so I found it difficult to get by. It got progressively worse over a period of days as I recall and I remember how angry I was. It was picture day and I complained to a teacher in the gym that this group of boys was grabbing me. So yes I think they had taken it off the bus too. And this female teacher told me to stop asking for the attention. It was my fault because I had asked for it somehow. And didn't do a damn thing to those boys. And I was so mad because I thought one of them was my friend. And in that class picture I think I'm staring angrily at the camera. I think I had been crying. I haven't even thought about that since until the question was posed this week. And every single girl has a story like this. Every one. I wonder how it might have impacted me if the teacher had affirmed that my body was my own and those boys were wrong. And if they had been punished. Maybe not much. Maybe something.