Inside was an ocean
Of soul and devotion
Then you cut me open
- John Bellion, Robot

So I did the mountain yesterday and she was rather a bitch, as is her right. She reminds me that I don't own her, that I am only there by her good graces. It was a good workout though. I didn't go on Saturday. I was too busy being hungover and trying to get my head around what the hell is going on in my country. And then I went to a Nigerian party. Tonight is yoga - I've decided that Monday is yoga day. Not doing great on the goal so far this year but this will be my fourth yoga class so that's good.

Sweet mistakes

Life is full of sweet mistakes
And love's an honest one to make
Time leaves no fruit on the tree
- John Mayer, Live Forever

So I did 3 joyful and somewhat painful miles today after my Dr appt. She said my lungs sound good and that I should be using my inhaler before I run and that will ease my lung pain as my body adjusts. So I did that today and it helped tremendously although I can tell I'm not in great shape. More work to be done for sure. I did yoga in Monday and that was good too.

Changing

I am not done changing

Out on the run, changing

I may be old and I may be young

But I am not done changing

 - John Mayer, Changing 

"Some of us quit running. Some of us went home."  This is another line from this song that resonated with me today. I was talking to a friend recently about my asthma issues and my frustration, and he asked why I don't just quit running. And at first I was aghast at the thought. I love running for so many reasons. But I guess I do need to be reasonable in my expectations of my body, and maybe other kinds of exercise are better for me right now. I went 3.5 miles tonight and did the same run/walk/sprint/walk thing and it was ok although painful in the lungs. I was really grateful to be out there at all. This morning I received a message from a friend, crying hard, thanking me for saving her life. She had been cleaning out her closet and ran across all her old dialysis equipment and was overcome. She had visited her old dialysis center over the holidays to see her former caregivers, and inquired about some of her peers who had sat beside her for so many months in those chairs. A few of them had passed away. So I'm grateful that I have my healthy body to carry me even if it can't always do so in the ways I want. And grateful for the gift of life I was able to share. And also I will continue the fight against apathy. 

Cuz I'm Willing and I'm Able

She who writes the movie owns the script and the sequel

So why ain't the stealing of my rights made illegal?

             -Janelle Monae

This is my week. Yeah. I've been sick with a cold so I took the week mostly off.  But I did march today, and that counts! IT ALL COUNTS!!

A gift

Had some dreams that I will not share,
They're the last of what's buried there.
There's nothing new beneath the sun,
You're not the first or the last one.
- Wasted Fangs, Balconies

I had a relatively decent run despite myself today - or at least it felt like a decent run. It was really hard to get myself to go because it's just such a laborious thing these days. I finally went out at around four in a beautiful sprinkle of rain. I warmed up with a jog and since I can't run very far without losing my breath, I did short sprints. I ran fast for as long as I could, since I can run the same amount of time slowly before walking to catch my breath. I did that for 2.5 miles and then I walked the last mile home. I felt reasonably fatigued. So I got 3 this week because I went to Atlanta for two days.

Time to Run

I have no regrets 

I will not ask for your forgiveness

Nor your defense

              -Lord Huron

Here's my week. That run on Thursday was horrid, so we're all three runs, but that one was outside and the reason it was only 2.5 is because it was so damn cold and it took me literally the rest of the night to warm up. Plus, I had the dog with me and he pooped, so I had to carry his shit until I ran across a neighbor who had garbage cans out early for Friday pick up and then I had to feel guilty about dumping his poop in someone's trash barrel even though it was being picked up the next day. Anyway, the only good thing about how cold it was, was that I didn't really smell his poo, even though I was carrying it. I suspect it froze nearly immediately upon leaving his body. 

The rest of the week was fine. After four of those work outs I did abs work. But no yoga and I think that may be a challenge, the next two months at work are going to be pretty damn busy. 

I dont wanna know

I don't wanna know-oh-oh-oh
Who's takin you ho-oh -oh -ome
And lovin you so-oh - oh-oh
The way I used to love you no!
I don't wanna know
- Somebody and Adam Levine

I ALWAYS love me some Adam Levine. Sometimes in the war between gym and drinking, the drinking wins. And it did tonight. Work has been a giant asshole this week. I did get out of the office yesterday and run 2.5 before returning to finish the day, but it was an ugly struggly 2.5 and I wasn't proud. And tonight when I got home I drank wine instead. Cause that was a lot more fun.

Silly Season

I can see we're thinking about the same thing

Yes I see your expression when the phone rings 

We both know

There's something happening here

             - Queen Stevie Nicks

She has been anointed queen, no? If not, that should be rectified immediately! I downloaded my favorite songs of hers and tonight after a six mile elliptical kick ass and some abs work, I had myself s pretty good time in the hot tub grooving out. 

Have I told the blog about my new wireless headphones? I got some new wireless headphones which I now wear pretty much constantly around my neck, like the most bad ass necklace ever. My old ones only lasted three hours TOPS, but these last like 12!!! So I can wear them all day at work and then go work out in them and they don't die, plus they are water proof so hot tubbing is not interrupted! Granted, they are not likely helping my anti-social tendencies, but I'm not in a place right now where I give even a small shit. 

Anyway, I will leave you with this sweaty selfie I took tonight, and a fair warning that I might perhaps quote Queen Stevie all week. 

Don't people change?

There ain't no point in moving on
Till you've got somewhere to go

All those insecurities
that have held me down for so long
I can't say I've found a cure for these
But at least I know them so they're not so strong

There's one year of my life in these songs
And some of them are about you
- George Michael

This musical muse played during yoga yesterday and I loved it and I was mesmerized. So much so that I put it on repeat on my walk home from the gym. And it's so full of longing and melancholy that it made me feel like crying. And I listened again and again on the mountain today. I ran into an old classmate right in the middle. She looked beautiful and so happy it made me happy.

And I guess there's a road without you
But you once said there's a road back for every man
So here I am

My body

My body tells me no
But I won't quit cause I want more
- Young the Giant

I love this song to run to. I think my Blista Sista sent it - that woman has good taste in music. I still can't run cause of my ass-mar ($1 to anyone who gets that reference). I have to walk every quarter mile or so but I keep plugging away. It's actually quite a bit better since I got on this new medication, but I need to go back and get a higher dose I think. Anyhoo, today I'm doing my favorite workout - a 2 mile (uphill) run to the gym and then yoga. I'm gonna be very aware of what I eat tonight because yoga makes me so hungry. After last time I shoved food in my face for two hours.