Shit town

"I've about had enough of shit town and the stuff that goes on."
- S-town podcast

So I'm listening to this new podcast during my run, and this was said by an effeminate deeply southern dude and it made me giggle. Fourth morning in a row I've been up at the ungodly hour of 6am and on the road by 6:30. Also 6th day in a row workout. Yay me. Aside from falling down the stairs Monday at my Dr office it's been a productive week.

All I'm Asking

I feel like I've been here before

I chose the wrong path

I opened the wrong door

But I've been trying 

I been trying 

           - The Band of Heathens

This morning was absurd. I woke up late, sister told me to get it done anyway.  I had to go to the gym, it was snowing and gross outside. And at some point I needed to at least pretend to work. I ended up forgetting to brush my teeth, forgot deodorant and left my water bottle at the gym. I didn't get to work until around 10, which thankfully nobody seemed to notice. I then proceeded to talk to same sister on the phone for another half hour. 

But the goddamn run got done. Even though the smell at the gym today was me. Even though any productive work seems unlikely. And even though I overslept. Go me. 

"Not having anything isn't a big deal when you don't want anything."
- This American Life, Testosterone

Fantastic podcast on my run this morning. Really made me understand dudes and stereotypes. You read that correctly btw, I ran this morning. It's my new thing. I was loathe to commit to it publicly but here it is. I require structure in my life and without it I tend to fall off into sloth. Kids provide structure, because there's so much to be done, you don't even think about it you just fall into bed at the end of the day exhausted. When kids grow up and leave there's a void of structure (among other things). I'm unhappy with my fitness level and my diet and my activity level and my job. So I'm getting up at 6 and running. That creates such positive energy and motivation for the day, along with a sense of freedom because I don't have to worry about when or where or how I'll get my exercise in, or whether or not I can dredge up the motivation. I get up at six, choke down coffee, and go. And then I'm done.

It's Morning In America

I've been trying to keep up with all of these great expectations

So I keep on fakin'

                   -Jon Bellion

I love this song. I got up this morning and went for a run. I was anxious about it because I haven't been running a lot in general, and had to take a week off of any working out because of a cold that I'm just now getting over, but it went well! I took the dog, who is still learning my pace (he seems to think we should be going faster.... he has much to learn) but he did okay. And now I'm done for the day, and didn't even have to pack my gym bag! Solid. 

Hubris

My hubris is such that I simply can't read anything somebody else writes. But, my intelligence and my creativity is such that I require help.
- Mike Rowe, The Way I Heard It

I love this podcast and it's a great distraction for a bleak road run as I did this morning. The first mile was jilted and awkward because I had to poop, even though such business had already been done earlier in the morning. So I was less motivated the second mile, but thankfully a man in red passed me going the other direction, which caused me to start running again because I can't have anyone see me walking, and then turned around and threatened to pass me again going my direction, so I had to run more than I wanted to. And yeah he still passed me but I'm grateful for the kick in the ass.

Here's my week

 Which is better than the week before and the week before that. I added in stairs since hiking season is coming up. So I've been doing 4 elliptical miles and then 20 minutes of stairs. 

My weight is higher than I want it to be, and I've been really struggling with eating well. But then what else is new under the sun. 

The end of the beginning

His purpose did not flag nor did his heart falter . . .
And he was lonely
but did not find loneliness in any way a bad or ignoble thing.
The dark came down and the world moved on.
- Stephen King, The Gunslinger

Damn the book is over. No wonder I couldn't get through it the first couple times. 90% of it was a walk through the desert and the last 10% was a long conversation. Onward and upward. My purpose hasn't flagged, and yet this is the first week in 2017 that I've exercised five times. I did three miles around the hood today in the 90 degree heat and I walked home. My lungs ache as per usual. Hiking picrotcho leak tomorrow with baby girl and her bf. And the world moved on.


- Sandy

The man in black

I did the mountain this evening thanks to an invitation from a friend. And it appears we have caught up to the man in black.

Three

He is too young to have learned to hate himself yet, but that seed is already there.
Given time, it will grow and bear bitter fruit.
- Stephen King, The Gunslinger

Another three miles today and still chasing the man in black.

Mighta been pretty

She might have been pretty when she started out
But the world had moved on since then
- Stephen King, The Gunslinger

So my thing now is podcasts and I've been listening to those when I run. On my long drive to pinetop yesterday I decided to try an audiobook (gasp). I always thought I didn't have the attention span to do that as my mind wanders when I read and I often ha e to go back and reread chapters. But this has a handy 15-second rewind! Anyway it keeps my mind focused while I'm driving and I'm less likely to think about texts or emails. See, I learn my lessons. Anyhoodle, I've wanted to read this series for awhile and I tried a couple years ago and I just couldn't get past the part where he follows the man in black through the desert. I'm starting to think that's the whole book. I did three miles around the lake today and I gotta pay myself on the back because while it was sunny, it was 45 degrees. Might as well have had ice-sickles on my nostrils.

Amazing

Amazing, the effort we put in 
Amazing, the emotional bridges, tunnels, roads, and ways
We go around what's one step from our face

I see it clearly now

- Jimmy Eat World - You Are Free

So, I don't feel amazing in any way. It seems like exercise days have become the exception rather than the rule. But it's just so goddamn miserable!  Is this what getting old is?  I imagine I will keep plugging away and one day I will have a good one. Last Sunday I walked the mountain because I was still getting over this nasty chest cold. I ran/walked three one day last week, probably Monday, and then I went to Texas. And then I was tired and then there was fun to be had, yadda yadda yadda, it's today and I did another pathetic three.