Now I Stand Accused of the Things I've Said

Maybe I was wrong
To ever let you down
But I did what I did
Before love came to town

                     -U2/B.B. King

I downloaded this album recently and have been having a kickin' time listening to it and going on grumpy old man type rants to my kid on how his lousy generation will never produce anything as cool.

I haven't been blogging because stupid Google stopped supporting the damn Blogger app that I was using to post, and now with the new iOS update, it just won't let me post anymore. Sandy does some shit with her email, but for the love of god, who uses email anymore?? So now I have to post from my actual laptop like some kind of savage.

And anyway, I haven't had much to say because I haven't done much running, okay? OKAY? God.

I haven't been all damn week until today, when I finally got my sorry ass to the gym and ran three miles. I then soaked in the hot tub of righteousness. The whole month of September isn't going great, I think I only have 25 miles in for the month so far. Not looking good.

It's fall!!

I'm going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, "Aren't those gourds straining your neck?" And I'm just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, "It's fall, fuckfaces. You're either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you're not."

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-decorative-gourd-season-motherfuckers

This is better than any song I heard this morning and it really had me laughing my ass off. Today was the first day it really felt like fall in the mountain and it was beautiful. The run not so much. But it got done and now I am sitting wondering why my father has abandoned me. 

Why

The F*ck am I the only one blogging??? TG for cancelled meetings I got to the gym quickly today for 3 ugly miles before my flight to Vegas. I'm now on a bus mob tour 2 vodkas down. Life is good.

It was my turn to decide

I wont always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now, I'm ready
- Jimmy Eat World, 23

I fought with the mountain again this morning and it was a tough one. I didn't get out there until 8 so it was warm, but also my muscles were still fatigued from yoga yesterday. I think the lesson learned is I need a full 24 hour recovery after yoga before attempting the mountain. Or, I can just suck it up and quit whining and keep going after it. Because I know it will get better. Not gonna lie though, my whole body hurts as I rest in the couch of righteousness. It does feel good to have a tough workout done first thing in the morning. Also, I saw another wild tortoise this morning - so lucky!

There are times life will rattle your bones and will bend your limbs
But you're still far and away the boy you've ever been
- Decemberists

Today I did 1.25 miles at a good pace before yoga, then I walked .75 after. Because I most certainly can't run after being wrung out in yoga. And I was too late to get the full two in before. So 12 this week, not bad given I was traveling 4 days. My plan tomorrow is to hit the mountain early. I shared this song with my boss this week - he has a daughter named Avery. It reminds me of J and the anxiety of raising him. I feel I'm too easy on him. He's such a different child than K, who grabs life by the balls and yanks. I feel like I knew what I was doing with her. But he is a mystery.

Proud of me

Feelin low, feelin high
Feelin down
Why isn't this enough?
- The head and the heart

So I did actually run one day this week while traveling. 3 sweaty treadmill miles with no walking on weds. It was interesting and motivating to have coworkers on both sides of me. But it was a good run.

If I was you I'd wanna be me too. - MT (we're on a first name basis now)

1.5 miles, lunchtime, no excuses. I'm not sure I'll ever break back to the 2-3 mile mark again. Feels a little hopeless, my body is completely exhausted after 1.5. 😒😔

Just waiting for the palateu break.

Better days

I can see the sunshine's rays
Gleaming through the clear water
Tellin me that before this chapter's read
There will always be better days
- THATH, Library Magic

Strong start to the week - 3.5 miles outside on Sunday and Monday. But now I'm in Georgia until Friday so challenge is on. I did bring running shoes but they are still in the suitcase.

Time to put the temper tantrums to the quiet corner

“HUSH! That’s enough” said the ruler
No suckers allowed to break bread or asunder
The daylight lightning and the thunder
The sun, moon and stars and the hunger

                      -R.E.D. "A Tribe Called Red"

Last week I only got five miles in. I decided to lay off my foot (which is fine and hasn't given me any real grief since then) because I had a big hike over labor day and I didn't want to have problems. 

So I did a fourteen mile overnight hike, which was really hard and which of course doesn't count. I strained my left calf on the hike, and I knew that the only thing to do would be to lay off or risk making everything worse. I finally went running on Friday (3), Saturday (4), and then today I did my little incline and half mile run loop five times, which was pretty damn exhausting. It's a tough work out! So that was 1000 stairs and 3.5 miles, so about ten for this week. I was so tired I had to come home and eat a bunch of chicken wings and then take a nap. 

That song up there is a good one. I got it off one of those lists people are always publishing of great songs for this or that. I like it. 

Anyway, I'm hoping for a better September from here on out! It's not starting out all that great.

Blessed

This is what you wanted
I'm harrowed and I'm haunted
Haunted by the life
Will you be there waiting?
Or is your heartbeat fading?
- Decemberists

It's been a banner week. 3.5 tough miles outside on Wednesday evening, 2 miles and yoga Thursday, and probably the most difficult mountain run I've ever had on Friday morning. My muscles were so fatigued, I really struggled getting to the top. It was warmer than expected at 7:15 in the morning. But I was blessed by the sight of this guy on the way down. I always feel so blessed when I see wildlife on the trail. This is only the second time in almost 10 years of running this trail that I've seen a wild desert tortoise. Now I'm relaxing this weekend with friends up north. The rest of the righteous.

Laboring on

Give em hell, turn their heads

Gonna live life 'til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain

Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter

 - Gym Class Heroes, The Fighter 

So gotta admit I'm proud of me. I was on the mountain at 7am and hit that beautiful 75 degrees. It was tough but not as tough as I imagined. I ran in most of the usual places and walked more than usual on the way down. I was done at 830 and 85 degrees. Now I rest on the couch of righteousness. 

My weakness

I know my weakness, know my voice
And I believe in grace and choice
- Sandy

I had plans, people. Big plans. I was going to run the mountain today. I set my alarm, I laid out my clothes. I went to bed early on a Saturday night. But alas, I wasn't strong enough. My cat had me up at 5, and at 6 I was thinking I would just get up and go early. But then I fell back asleep and when my alarm rang at 645 there was no rousing me. So I did 3 miles on the track and then yoga, which is still a damn good workout. Yesterday I did 2.5 and yoga. And I tallied my mileage from the Summer of Awfulness and calculated that I will need to average over 60 miles per month plus yoga for the rest of the year if I'm going to meet this goal. But hey, cooler weather is coming and I'm up for it. Goddess, please send fall.

I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
And what am I gonna say when I'm all fucked up and you're ok.

It's the one mile mark I can't seem to break.  I absolutely hate running in this heat but if I stop I know I won't start again.   So I'm adopting the 1 foot out the door and no judgment about my 18 minute mile and a half. Please god send fall.

I tried

Is there a more pathetic phrase? But I did. I ran three on Monday evening, and then circumstances and laziness caused my lonely gym bag to stay sitting in my car, unused and unloved, until tonight. 

But it just wasn't to be. I got a mile and a half in on the treadmill and that sharp pain in my foot came along and wouldn't let go. So I shifted to the stairs where I did ten minutes and then tried the treadmill again. I loosened my shoe laces and went slow but it just wasn't happening. 

So now I'm just soaking in the hot tub and finishing up my audio book on checklists and how they can improve surgery outcomes. Because it's Friday night, bitchez. 

I owned every second that this world would give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived.